The recent Netflix series Adolescence (which has, in just under a week, done more to highlight the horrendous pandemic of misogyny spreading amongst teenage boys than anything else has achieved in years), the trial of convicted killer Kyle Clifford, and the release of Andrew Tate have ignited urgent discussions about the alarming rise of incel culture, toxic masculinity, and the dangerous influence of figures like Tate…and frankly, not a moment too soon.
Femicide rates continue to climb worryingly, with an average of three women murdered every week at the hands of men. Our streets have never felt more unsafe, as women fear walking alone at night, and often even in broad daylight. Worse still, many are not even safe in their own homes, frightened of their husbands, fathers and son’s (It’s estimated that 1 in 10 women are killed by their own children- the very beings that they carried in their own wombs, fed and nurtured into life.)
Meanwhile, a generation of boys and young men are being increasingly and disturbingly exposed to misogynistic content, fuelling a growing resentment toward women.
It’s almost exhausting to acknowledge that at the very heart of this crisis lies an incredibly complex web of factors that need unpicking to even start putting things right.
At the edge of the web lies the familiar cry of: “Not all men!” and of course, it goes without saying that not all men are rapists or murderers—many are loving partners, brothers, and fathers. Yet far too many have, at some point, indulged in casual sexism, chuntering about “women drivers,” “nagging wives,” or how women are “too emotional.” These seemingly harmless remarks feed into the very narratives that allow more dangerous forms of misogyny to thrive.
As we move closer into the heart of things there lies a confusion around the very word masculinity, which has become distorted by toxic ideals and a lack of positive role models, or rather the overwhelming influence of bad ones—leaving many young men uncertain about what it truly means to be a man.
Finally, and undeniably, social media and gaming culture play a central role in shaping the attitudes of our younger generations.
Quite a minefield, isn’t it? Where do we even start? Especially when there is a growing sense of frustration—even outright anger—among men young and old, who feel unfairly vilified, as though they are constantly judged regardless of how respectfully they behave. Many argue that no matter how much they reject misogyny, support gender equality, or strive to be good people, they are still met with suspicion, painted with the same sticky brush as those who cause harm. This very resentment itself can fester, pushing some toward defensiveness or even, in the worst cases, radicalisation, as they feel alienated rather than included in the conversation.
The challenge, is how to address this crisis of masculinity without further fuelling this anger. How do we have necessary conversations about male violence and toxic masculinity while ensuring that well-intentioned men do not feel attacked, but instead empowered to be part of the solution?
As a society we must encourage open dialogue, seek out and celebrate those positive role models, and reframe masculinity. If we truly want change, we must ALL guide our young men toward a healthier sense of identity—one that is not built on resentment, but on mutual respect and understanding and, I’ll say it loudly again for all the people in the back….. it is the job of ALL of us to do that.
We must all call out casual sexism when we come across it, even if it is brushed off as harmless banter, because it is the very seed from which the tree of misogyny grows, no matter how innocent it seems. It’s not so harmless when an already confused younger generation hear it as part of a wider narrative.
We must redefine how we see masculine and feminine and human nature. Some argue that redefining masculinity to include traits like nurturing, kindness, and emotional intelligence strips it of meaning altogether, blurring the lines until masculinity is either deemed toxic or non-existent. This idea is not only flawed but dangerously stupid. It suggests that masculinity and femininity are rigid, opposing forces rather than interconnected aspects of human nature.
The truth is masculinity and femininity are not standalone, mutually exclusive concepts. Strength and sensitivity, leadership and compassion, resilience and vulnerability—these qualities are not inherently masculine or feminine, but the very essence of being human. The notion that a man must either conform to the bullshit and outdated ideals of a Tate type dominance or risk losing his masculinity entirely is both short sighted and harmful.
By broadening our definition of masculinity, we are not erasing it – we are evolving it for a better world for all of us – one where we can send our kids to school and not worry that they might not come home at the end of the day. True masculinity does not have to be in opposition to femininity—rather, it should embrace the best aspects of both. Let’s, as a society, build a version of manhood that is strong without being oppressive, confident without being entitled, and protective without being controlling. Only by breaking free from these old-fashioned definitions can we create a healthier, more balanced society for everyone.
Finally, we must acknowledge the very real and increasingly dangerous problem that has emerged alongside the rise of the internet and social media. This isn’t something that just happens on a Netflix show. It is happening in our own homes, shaping the minds of our children while we look the other way, whether meaning to or not.
We can no longer simply pacify our kids by handing them a device and sending them off to their bedrooms, just to steal a few moments of peace. We must stop assuming that our sons and daughters are immune to harmful content simply because “we’ve raised them well”. The truth is, no amount of good parenting can fully shield a child from the endless stream of misogyny, violence, and extremism that is just a few clicks away. It is naïve to believe that they “would never” engage with such material, when algorithms are designed to pull them deeper into these toxic spaces. We must be checking in on the content that they are consuming and, if our kids must be in these spaces then we should be in them with them, monitoring what they consume.
You wouldn’t put a young person learning to drive in a car without a responsible adult, would you? Social media is an adult world, an adult pastime, an adult skill and we must guide them through it as we do with everything else “adult”.
Overbearing? Maybe. Un-trusting? Possibly. But the violence rates amongst our children speak for themselves and so maybe it’s time to be all of those things for the good of our future generations and the safety of kids.
Perhaps most urgently, we must also stop losing hours to mindless scrolling ourselves, drowning in a sea of pointless content, while neglecting to have even the most basic conversations with our children and each other. If we want to counteract the influence of the online world, we must be present in the real one. We need to have open discussions, ask uncomfortable questions, and equip our children with the critical thinking skills to navigate digital spaces safely. Ignoring the problem will not make it disappear—if anything, it only allows it to grow stronger.
Watch Adolescence. Have the difficult conversations with your children. Now is the time for change!